Children and Attachment Styles

What is an Attachment? An attachment is an emotional bond that we form with another person. Attachments are formed in childhood with our primary/first caregivers. There are 4 attachment styles- Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful Avoidant. Of the 4, the latter 3 (anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant are considered to be insecure attachments).

So what do these attachment styles look like?

Secure Attachment-

• Ability to form secure, loving relationships with others

• Ability to trust others and be trusted and be loved, accept love, and love others

• Not afraid of intimacy

• Can depend on others without becoming totally dependent

Anxious Attachment-

• Deep fear of abandonment

• Insecure about their relationships

• In constant need of validation

• Associated with clingy behaviors and neediness

Avoidant Attachment-

• Deep fear of intimacy

• Tend to have trouble getting close to others/trusting others

• Truly believe their needs will NOT be met

• Tend to be emotionally unavailable

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment-

• Deep sense of fear and lack of trust in others despite wanting close connections

• Combination of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles

• Desperately crave attention AND will also avoid it at all costs

• Most rare of the 4 styles and is associated with significant psychological and relational risks (i.e. difficulty regulating emotions, heightened sexual behaviors, and increased risk for violence in relationships)

A secure attachment is the ideal attachment style however this may not always be the case. Here are a few tips to strengthen/improve your attachment and bond with your child:

• Be sensitive to your child's needs and emotions and how you respond to them

• Talk about feelings. Communicate.

• Help children understand the relationship between their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and how they impact one another.

• Children become upset. They are human. Do your best to stay with your child when they are upset or misbehaving to show that you love them.

• Have fun with your child and enjoy them (play, read, actively engage in activities together)

• Be consistent and stable. This helps kids feel safe.

• Set limits and boundaries.

• Accept them for who they are. Remember, you do not need to approve of their behaviors but you do need to love them.

These are just a few tips to help you secure that attachment with your child. If you feel as though you and your child do NOT have a secure attachment, fear not. Contact your provider and consider starting therapeutic services. There are a range of interventions that can help strengthen a secure attachment between children and caregivers.

Love More. Heal More. Attach More. HopeMor.