Recognizing Grief in Children & Helping Them Cope

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard"

~Winnie the Pooh

What is Grief?

-Grief is "the acute pain that accompanies loss". It is "a normal response to loss during or after a disaster or other traumatic event" and it is "a process of letting go and learning to accept and live with loss".

*Grief does not only mean death. It encompasses all loss (i.e. death, loss of home, loss of job, transitions, loss of identity, loss of relationship, etc.)

Grief is a natural part of the human experience. Everyone experiences grief at some point in their lives. Children also experience grief and may show it in different ways.

Grief in Children:

• Intense sadness/depression (often masked as anger)

• Talking about the loss of/imitating a loved one more

• Anxiety

• Feelings of Abandonment/Prolonged fear of being alone

• Guilt

• Shame

• Changes in Play (Talking about death more, role-playing or pretend play surrounding life & death)

• Mood Swings

Behavior Changes:

• Becoming overly clingy

• Less interested in usual activities

• Irritable

• Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits

• Changes in social interactions (e.g. becoming more withdrawn)

• Decrease in school performance/refusal to attend school

• Developmental Regression (acting much younger than their age) e.g. bed wetting, baby talk, etc.

*Older children may experiment with Drugs & Alcohol as to cope with their feelings of grief/depression.

How Can Parents Help?

-Parents and other important caregivers play a key role in helping children and adolescents with traumatic grief. Here are a few ways that you can be active in your child's process of accepting loss, as well as in promoting healthy social-emotional development:

• Encourage child to express feelings

• Allow time for children to talk and express thoughts and feelings in a creative way

• Listen carefully and ask questions in a non-judgemental manner to understand their emotional state

• Encourage open communication with children when they are ready without forcing them

• Practice calming and coping strategies

• Take care of yourself and model coping strategies/positive behaviors

• Open the lines of communication between school & home

• Be developmentally & age appropriate

• Be direct

• Spend time with them

• Discuss an afterlife if grief/loss is about death

• Don't ignore your own grief

• Stick to routines

• Don't be afraid to ask for help

(References: National Institute of Health; Child Mind Institute; AACAP; VeryWell Family.)

I hope this helps. Remember that grief is very natural and everyone experiences it in their own way. Be there for one another and most importantly, help children understand themselves and life around them.

Love More. Heal More. HopeMor.